It has been 2 years, 4 months, and 29 days since I last wrote something for this blog.
A lot has happened during that time, and a lot will continue to happen moving forward.

First things first, Covid-19 has forever changed our world and our reality. I truly hope everyone is happy, healthy, and safe. Whether you are living strictly isolated, or are beginning to free up your doors, I hope that this new reality doesn’t stop you from living freely within your own self.

That’s been the biggest change for me. I finally allowed myself to live freely in my circumstances, in my decisions, in my feelings… I have lived. I will continue to live, and I truly hope you do too.

 

I want to introduce you to the new me. The one that has grown up since this blog began.

I am now a licensed Massage Therapist. I have my own business, and also work locally at a massage clinic in my town. I will be returning to school in the fall of 2020 to allow myself the opportunity to grow and expand my business in a non-physical way should we ever need to quarantine again, or simply if I ever need a physical break from my current career. I love what I do and I hope to do it for many years to come, I simply want to continue to grow.

Since my last post I:

• Fell in love with myself
• Fell in love with my biggest advocate to loving myself (he’ll get his own post soon)
• Lived alone with no roommates, or family, or anyone other than just my kids for the first time ever
• Graduated from Massage School
• Traveled to 7 countries: Turks and Caicos, Puerto Rico, Jamaica, Mexico, Cayman Islands, St. Marrten, and St. Kitts
• Started my own business
• Found an abandoned kitty in the desert and adopted her
• Rescued a Pitbull puppy
• Moved in with the serious and super awesome boyfriend
• Saw the Pacific Ocean for the first time (long time WA resident here and I somehow managed to never go to our own ocean shores)
• Bought a car
• Learned to bake and perfect a few new recipes
• Turned 30 years young
• Quit Social Media!

I have a lot to share, but mostly, I have a lot of lessons learned under my belt. I continue to chase the sunrise, and during this time in my life, I have such a solid support team. I still struggle with things from my past, but overall a lot of those insecurities have been resolved. I have seriously enjoyed being okay with who I am. Quitting social media was the biggest part of that equation. That doesn’t mean that I recommend everyone should do it, but I will say, taking a break is a nice breath of fresh air if you need a mental and emotional reset. Trust me, I know that much does work.

Without spilling out all of the two years worth of stories to share in this one post, I will leave it to end this post here. I’ll do my best to recount the last two years, one story at a time.

I don’t wish for fame, or a billion likes or pings or whatever you want to call it- I’ve lost track of all social media lingo. I’m simply excited to write again. To share parts of my life with whoever wants to read about someone else’s story. Sometimes that’s enough to remind you that life is worth trying. As many times as I’ve wanted to give up and quit, pulled to the side of the road in a fit of emotional rage and damage, or the times I’ve questioned if I had enough money to get groceries for my kids, or steal toilet paper from a Honey bucket… I mean, sometimes life really sucks, but it is worth pushing forward. It’s worth finding yourself outside of your circumstances.

I don’t know how I bounced back from my depression, from my self harm, my self loathing, my shame and my guilt. I don’t know that there is a secret formula or answer or steps. All I know is that the past two years I had to convince myself that each day was a new day to be the best me possible. That little goals were okay. My life isn’t set in stone, and I have many goals that I still need to write down so that I can commit to it and make it come to life (like running a marathon,  maybe I should start with a 5k since I hate running, but ultimately a marathon is my goal). All I do know is that my last two years were made of up small victories, and small stories.

That’s all I want to share with you. I hope that’s enough.

With love,
Jazmin